What is purity?
When Dannah Gresh cam to our college to speak that she has met some very pure non-virgins and some very impure virgins. She, then, made the point that purity doesn't just mean that you don't have sex until you're married. I'm learning, have learned, and will always be learning that purity is so much more than that. Purity keeps coming up in my life.
What is purity?
Once again, I come to write because I cannot sleep. I can't.
What is purity?
It's more than not having sex.
I ask this question tonight because I don't want to be who I was. I don't want to have to hide from God. I don't want to turn away from Him again. I want to be pure for Him. I want to please him with my relationship.
No longer am I dating. Now I am engaged to the man that I cannot wait to marry! How wonderful? But listen: being pure will probably be hardest in this stage. Seriously. One of the first few things he told me after I said yes was: "Remember, Joy: we're not married, we're engaged." So true.
Like many, and I'd say that it's fair to say MOST girls, the battle for purity is in our minds first and foremost.
1. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Renew Our minds:
For me, I have found that I've gotta get with God and go before him daily. Not so that Joy can make God "happy" but because He deserves it and it is right.
Everyday is game day. My New Testament professor said, "Everyday is a day that we're either gaining ground or giving ground for the Kingdom of Christ." Everyday.
Today it might just be a small, "I can't wait to be married so....."
Tomorrow it might be a small action that looks innocent, but has bad intent.
And then a few months from now it might be compromising something that I'd never do.
I know it's a battle.
Today's challenge:
Renew your mind.
Get before Christ.
Talk with Him. Be honest. Completely. Trust in His grace.
Listen to his words.
Single.. dating... engaged.. married. It makes no difference. Purity is a life-thing, not just a season thing.
And seriously, being pure before God is worth any sacrifice that we have to make.
Purity starts in the mind.
And so does lust.
Every time you and I dwell on a thought we give that thought ground in our minds and then in our hearts.
It's a choice that I'm going to have to chose to make everyday.
Because everyday is game day.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
"Come"
Few things are quick to throw me into a rage (I'm not even going to pretend to have humility in this area), but I had a something that did a few months ago.
Have you ever had someone tick you off so much that you were literally angry for an extended period of time? I did, and it was worse than probably ever before. My boyfriend and I were out at a restaurant with a lot of friends. I challenged a guy (that came with our friends) on one of the stances that he took. Then, he loudly replied, "YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PLACE AS A WOMAN."
Ladies....
Though I only threw an ice cube, God knows that I wanted to throw more. I was fuming the and screaming in my head. Worse yet, he said that in front of my boyfriend.
And let me tell you, something inside of me snapped.
You see, I've heard that in a way my whole life.
"You're too rough" "You're too loud" Etc...
I'm sure you've had your own lies: not pretty enough, not strong enough, etc, etc.
In fact, while I'm sitting here and typing I can see my reflection perfectly clear in the laptop's mirrored reflection with the word "ARMY" staring back at me. I'm in ROTC here at college, have three older brothers, and a strong, loud personality. You can see where I'm going with this. However, I am not a feminist by any means. I just rub most guys the wrong way when I can keep up with them in some respects.
After I calmed down enough to talk (let me be honest-- it was more like yelling) I told my boyfriend that there are some very strong women in this world. I have a strong personality, but don't think I intend to lead this relationship-- that's you're job. But the truth is, strong women need even stronger men. That is why I have chosen him because I see a very strong man in him.
I ranted and raved with that short paragraph being this premise. The fact is ladies, that we don't have to strive to try to be like that girl who always has her hair perfect, make up just so, or the woman who achieves more than we do. We don't have to be someone we're not.
O Women, where is our strength? In who do we gain worth?
You nor I will never be satisfied as long as we listen to those lies of what we aren't. Heck, even Christians have told me those lies before. You want the truth? God wants your heart. God wants you. Hang with me here....
He thought about you before he created the world. He thought out who each of us would be. He said, "Hmm, Joy-- I'm going to make her loud, strong (in some areas--not always a good thing, might I add), and aggressive for such a time as this (time that I'm alive). Then, he moved onto you... and he got so excited-- he chose YOU to be alive in this moment now for who you are. All women are beautiful.
Ladies, stop trying so hard. Stop striving.
You are enough just as you are.
You are created for such a time as this.
God has a plan for you and who you are.
Lay down the clothes that make your boobs look bigger; throw out those jeans that make guys turn their heads. Be beautiful in who you are, not how much you can give for attention. Be beautiful and be who you are. Like the sun setting and showing its glory is how women look when they stop trying and start being who they are.
You are enough just as you are; all Jesus says is, "Come to me..."
Have you ever had someone tick you off so much that you were literally angry for an extended period of time? I did, and it was worse than probably ever before. My boyfriend and I were out at a restaurant with a lot of friends. I challenged a guy (that came with our friends) on one of the stances that he took. Then, he loudly replied, "YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PLACE AS A WOMAN."
Ladies....
Though I only threw an ice cube, God knows that I wanted to throw more. I was fuming the and screaming in my head. Worse yet, he said that in front of my boyfriend.
And let me tell you, something inside of me snapped.
You see, I've heard that in a way my whole life.
"You're too rough" "You're too loud" Etc...
I'm sure you've had your own lies: not pretty enough, not strong enough, etc, etc.
In fact, while I'm sitting here and typing I can see my reflection perfectly clear in the laptop's mirrored reflection with the word "ARMY" staring back at me. I'm in ROTC here at college, have three older brothers, and a strong, loud personality. You can see where I'm going with this. However, I am not a feminist by any means. I just rub most guys the wrong way when I can keep up with them in some respects.
After I calmed down enough to talk (let me be honest-- it was more like yelling) I told my boyfriend that there are some very strong women in this world. I have a strong personality, but don't think I intend to lead this relationship-- that's you're job. But the truth is, strong women need even stronger men. That is why I have chosen him because I see a very strong man in him.
I ranted and raved with that short paragraph being this premise. The fact is ladies, that we don't have to strive to try to be like that girl who always has her hair perfect, make up just so, or the woman who achieves more than we do. We don't have to be someone we're not.
O Women, where is our strength? In who do we gain worth?
You nor I will never be satisfied as long as we listen to those lies of what we aren't. Heck, even Christians have told me those lies before. You want the truth? God wants your heart. God wants you. Hang with me here....
He thought about you before he created the world. He thought out who each of us would be. He said, "Hmm, Joy-- I'm going to make her loud, strong (in some areas--not always a good thing, might I add), and aggressive for such a time as this (time that I'm alive). Then, he moved onto you... and he got so excited-- he chose YOU to be alive in this moment now for who you are. All women are beautiful.
Ladies, stop trying so hard. Stop striving.
You are enough just as you are.
You are created for such a time as this.
God has a plan for you and who you are.
Lay down the clothes that make your boobs look bigger; throw out those jeans that make guys turn their heads. Be beautiful in who you are, not how much you can give for attention. Be beautiful and be who you are. Like the sun setting and showing its glory is how women look when they stop trying and start being who they are.
You are enough just as you are; all Jesus says is, "Come to me..."
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Here's to boldness:
Tonight I sat down and felt so unmotivated to do any homework. I was with my friend, so it helped that she was there to keep me on track. However, we started talking and a lot of stuff came up. Here's how it all started:
Dannah Gresh came and spoke to our college a few days ago. My friend and I bought her book and I have been swallowing that thing up! I have been reading it in any spare time that I have. She's the first Christian author that is practical in how she unveils God's word and leads young women. And since reading her book, thinking and praying about it all, I can't tell you how everything has ran through my head.
Dannah encouraged us to have a friend that we could share everything with because then the enemy can't blackmail us with our secrets. That's when I began praying for the right time to talk to a friend. Tonight I just spilled my guts with my friend. I trust her, I love her, and I am confident in her. I just told her all of my dirty secrets and my life stories that have shaped who I am.
She knows what most people don't and there's a freedom in that.
Over the past few days I've been completely honest with God and He has been dragging a lot up from the past. The stuff that I've tried to push farther down, he has dug up. Little things like my first kiss when I was 8-- before I knew how special it was... (and then later I regretted giving up). Then God has has showed me how all of the little stuff added up and became a slippery slope to the kind of sin that I was saved from (the big stuff).
Isn't it crazy how God completely takes what is the worst in us and somehow shapes it into something beautiful?
"Your deepest pain will become your greatest ministry." --Dr. Cook
To be honest, my heart is scared by LOTS of the small "stuff", but the big "stuff", too. And it all hurts in its own way. But I'm not afraid of what people will think "If they only knew..." (the lie the enemy always whispered in my ear) anymore.
My past is the past and the facts are the facts.
Granted, the memories are still there, but their power is gone.
I started this blog because you need to know you're beautiful. My deepest pain has come from searching for love and affirmation in the wrong places since I was 8! This is my deepest pain. If you can benefit from my pain...if you can learn from my mistakes... if you can SEE how God has changed my heart... wonderful.
But even if this never amounts to anything more than me rambling and people skimming. Even if no one's life is radically changed from my stories, I know that I have been faithful with the rod that God has put in my hand (Like Moses).
And anymore, that, girls, is all that matters.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wait.
Philemon 1:22:
But, meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you.
Seems pretty straight forward, right? It's kind of a random verse that stuck out to me, girls, just today, and I wanted to share it with you. At the end Paul basically says, "Hey, I'm hoping to come around sometime. Make a room ready for me because I'm coming-- Lord willing."
No one knew how long it would be before Paul showed up on Philemon's doorstep.
That could mean a few months, maybe a year, or maybe even more.
It is tough to wait.
Waiting for a close friend who you desperately need.
Waiting for the man that God has for you....
Waiting to graduate from high school or college
So my challenge:
WAIT.
Wait in the LORD.
Wait for the man that he created especially for you.
I know how hard it is.
But wait.
Wait until you're married to enjoy sex and your guy fully.
Wait.
Like Philemon, we have no idea how long we are supposed to wait. I'm challenging myself this week to prepare the guest room in anxious anticipation. With eager expectation and hope.
Girls, in faith, let's prepare this guest room. Expecting the Lord to provide.
But, meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you.
Seems pretty straight forward, right? It's kind of a random verse that stuck out to me, girls, just today, and I wanted to share it with you. At the end Paul basically says, "Hey, I'm hoping to come around sometime. Make a room ready for me because I'm coming-- Lord willing."
No one knew how long it would be before Paul showed up on Philemon's doorstep.
That could mean a few months, maybe a year, or maybe even more.
It is tough to wait.
Waiting for a close friend who you desperately need.
Waiting for the man that God has for you....
Waiting to graduate from high school or college
So my challenge:
WAIT.
Wait in the LORD.
Wait for the man that he created especially for you.
I know how hard it is.
But wait.
Wait until you're married to enjoy sex and your guy fully.
Wait.
Like Philemon, we have no idea how long we are supposed to wait. I'm challenging myself this week to prepare the guest room in anxious anticipation. With eager expectation and hope.
Girls, in faith, let's prepare this guest room. Expecting the Lord to provide.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Not me, but Grace and Mercy
This one is shorter, today. I just want to share with you some things that happened that I think you might all benefit from.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about what I want to do this summer and told him that I would LOVE to be a counselor at a camp this summer and just pour into girls' lives. Then, I said, well, I know I'm not perfect, but I think they could benefit from some things that I've learned.
He stopped me and said that he was learning and trying to incorporate this into to his daily practice, and act on faith in this:
"It's not about being perfect or having a fake sense of humility. It's not your story or your life or your past decisions that matter. It is all about letting the Spirit control your life and the decisions you make." He said, "I'm not trying to worry about having humility any more. I'm letting the Spirit work through me. It's not about not sinning as much as it is about letting God and the Holy Spirit control you."
The only thing I have to add to that is something that another friend recently described to me.
I was struggling with the desire to live for Christ, and yet screwing up so much.
She replied and told me about Psalm 23:6:
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
She said her friend described goodness and mercy as a broom and a dustpan sweeping up all of her mistakes right up behind her as she kept walking.
To conclude:
Today, girls, don't try to be perfect, but allow God and the Spirit to lead you.
Not on your strength, but His.
Psalm 109:27
Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about what I want to do this summer and told him that I would LOVE to be a counselor at a camp this summer and just pour into girls' lives. Then, I said, well, I know I'm not perfect, but I think they could benefit from some things that I've learned.
He stopped me and said that he was learning and trying to incorporate this into to his daily practice, and act on faith in this:
"It's not about being perfect or having a fake sense of humility. It's not your story or your life or your past decisions that matter. It is all about letting the Spirit control your life and the decisions you make." He said, "I'm not trying to worry about having humility any more. I'm letting the Spirit work through me. It's not about not sinning as much as it is about letting God and the Holy Spirit control you."
The only thing I have to add to that is something that another friend recently described to me.
I was struggling with the desire to live for Christ, and yet screwing up so much.
She replied and told me about Psalm 23:6:
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
She said her friend described goodness and mercy as a broom and a dustpan sweeping up all of her mistakes right up behind her as she kept walking.
To conclude:
Today, girls, don't try to be perfect, but allow God and the Spirit to lead you.
Not on your strength, but His.
Psalm 109:27
Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Guard it with all you've got
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
I've messed up big time here. As young women we desperately want to be known fully and completely by another. You know? "They don't understand me." "They don't get me." "I wish someone understood who I am." etc.
And then I started dating this guy... and I'm beginning to see the hard parts of communication. I try so hard to allow him to understand me. To allow him to know me.
And I've talked to women who are married and completely in love and have a rock-solid relationship and they have told me the same thing... they still get lonely and still have to work hard at communicating.
So, how do you get to know the guy that you want to give your heart to without giving too much away?
That's been such a difficult question for me to answer because I've asked myself this question for a while. I've talked to a lot of people that I really respect and here's just a little food for thought:
1. I've gotta be close to God before I love right. Whether that is my boyfriend, my friends, or my parents. It just falls into place. I know both sides of the coin. I mean, I understand the constant craving to go further, and I know how incredible it is to see stuff just line up when God is put first. It's like God has been loving me and teaching me how to really love others.
2. Be careful WHO you let in.
I've seen a lot of girls who get into relationships (and I've been one myself) and have thought that is was in too deep to get out. I thought that since I had already gotten in so deep that I should be "faithful" to what I knew I shouldn't have done. Because, who likes to give up on someone? My heart had to be broken to the core before God really healed it up. It was crazy. It hurt. So, be careful about who you let in. What I mean is... don't give a piece of your heart to a guy you don't know... and what I mean by THAT is... stay away from physical stuff, saying things that are very special to you... and don't give what you don't want to.
I don't want to make a list as to become legalistic, but be careful because I would never want any of you to ever go through what I had to. Just get to know the guy before you give to the guy. You know?
3. When you find a solid guy who loves God think about where the line will be drawn.
The heart is such a fragile matter. What has helped me is that I want to please God with this relationship. So, for me a good start was to have a friend that I talked to about physical boundries and then got a good feel for what God wants. And, girls, I can tell you that purity is a beautiful thing in a relationship. Having NOTHING to hide has such a freedom in it.
And, this doesn't apply to JUST relationships, but this has been on my mind. I hope this is helpful and good food for thought. God wants our hearts so desperately bad. I'm still learning how to be faithful to God first. My friend recently told me that she knew she was ready for a relationship with a guy because she was confident (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that she was/ and would put God first-- no matter her relationship status.
Step-by-step. It's a choice, girls. For me. For you.
This is stuff that I struggle with daily.
And know that I'm praying for you.
You're beautiful and the life that your heart brings to the world is worth protecting.
<3
I've messed up big time here. As young women we desperately want to be known fully and completely by another. You know? "They don't understand me." "They don't get me." "I wish someone understood who I am." etc.
And then I started dating this guy... and I'm beginning to see the hard parts of communication. I try so hard to allow him to understand me. To allow him to know me.
And I've talked to women who are married and completely in love and have a rock-solid relationship and they have told me the same thing... they still get lonely and still have to work hard at communicating.
So, how do you get to know the guy that you want to give your heart to without giving too much away?
That's been such a difficult question for me to answer because I've asked myself this question for a while. I've talked to a lot of people that I really respect and here's just a little food for thought:
1. I've gotta be close to God before I love right. Whether that is my boyfriend, my friends, or my parents. It just falls into place. I know both sides of the coin. I mean, I understand the constant craving to go further, and I know how incredible it is to see stuff just line up when God is put first. It's like God has been loving me and teaching me how to really love others.
2. Be careful WHO you let in.
I've seen a lot of girls who get into relationships (and I've been one myself) and have thought that is was in too deep to get out. I thought that since I had already gotten in so deep that I should be "faithful" to what I knew I shouldn't have done. Because, who likes to give up on someone? My heart had to be broken to the core before God really healed it up. It was crazy. It hurt. So, be careful about who you let in. What I mean is... don't give a piece of your heart to a guy you don't know... and what I mean by THAT is... stay away from physical stuff, saying things that are very special to you... and don't give what you don't want to.
I don't want to make a list as to become legalistic, but be careful because I would never want any of you to ever go through what I had to. Just get to know the guy before you give to the guy. You know?
3. When you find a solid guy who loves God think about where the line will be drawn.
The heart is such a fragile matter. What has helped me is that I want to please God with this relationship. So, for me a good start was to have a friend that I talked to about physical boundries and then got a good feel for what God wants. And, girls, I can tell you that purity is a beautiful thing in a relationship. Having NOTHING to hide has such a freedom in it.
And, this doesn't apply to JUST relationships, but this has been on my mind. I hope this is helpful and good food for thought. God wants our hearts so desperately bad. I'm still learning how to be faithful to God first. My friend recently told me that she knew she was ready for a relationship with a guy because she was confident (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that she was/ and would put God first-- no matter her relationship status.
Step-by-step. It's a choice, girls. For me. For you.
This is stuff that I struggle with daily.
And know that I'm praying for you.
You're beautiful and the life that your heart brings to the world is worth protecting.
<3
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I will wait for the one God chooses.
So, lately I can't stop thinking about relationships and marriage. It feels so ingrained in me. You know? Because my mind and heart has been set on serious relationships I have decided there are certain qualities and conditions that I will not compromise. In fact, I am going to be so bold as to say that you shouldn't either. If that sounds too strong, read what comes next and think about these things, pray about them, and read some scripture on relationships, too.
I want a man who is willing to work and provide for me and, someday, my family.
I want a man that will continue to fight for my heart even when we've been married for 20+ years.
But more than anything, I want a man who wants God more than he wants me.
Let's talk about that last one because I can't seem to get that one out of my head. By that statement I mean that I desire a man who is crazy about God-- not the hype at a Skillet concert, not in the number of "Amens" he says on Sunday morning, but I desire a man who will follow what God wants before what I want as his wife. That's crazy. Once a man has his heart right with God the other things will start to fall into place. I know that.
And I'm not looking for anyone perfect. Here's what I know and what I'm operating off from right now: the habits that I am forming today will be who I become tomorrow. So, I am working on getting closer to God and growing up in Him and getting to know him.
I know, too, that I am not made for marriage, but made for God.
Question: Is the guy that I'm interested in marrying-- is he growing close to God?
Girls, seriously, you are worth more than you know. I encourage you to believe that you are worth more than diamonds. Your Father made you so uniquely for this time, right now. Guard your heart and set standards for yourself. Start praying for a Godly future spouse if you haven't (and want to get married). Just remember, that grace is a beautiful thing... you are just right just as you are. God gives incredible grace... all we have to do is go to Him.
God is taking care of this desire in my heart. I know He is working it out in His time. And He wants to do the same thing for you.
So in closing... don't just throw your heart at a guy-- even if he is a Christian.
As a pastor said today, "Do you want to marry a nice Christian boy, or a godly man?"
I want a man who is willing to work and provide for me and, someday, my family.
I want a man that will continue to fight for my heart even when we've been married for 20+ years.
But more than anything, I want a man who wants God more than he wants me.
Let's talk about that last one because I can't seem to get that one out of my head. By that statement I mean that I desire a man who is crazy about God-- not the hype at a Skillet concert, not in the number of "Amens" he says on Sunday morning, but I desire a man who will follow what God wants before what I want as his wife. That's crazy. Once a man has his heart right with God the other things will start to fall into place. I know that.
And I'm not looking for anyone perfect. Here's what I know and what I'm operating off from right now: the habits that I am forming today will be who I become tomorrow. So, I am working on getting closer to God and growing up in Him and getting to know him.
I know, too, that I am not made for marriage, but made for God.
Question: Is the guy that I'm interested in marrying-- is he growing close to God?
Girls, seriously, you are worth more than you know. I encourage you to believe that you are worth more than diamonds. Your Father made you so uniquely for this time, right now. Guard your heart and set standards for yourself. Start praying for a Godly future spouse if you haven't (and want to get married). Just remember, that grace is a beautiful thing... you are just right just as you are. God gives incredible grace... all we have to do is go to Him.
God is taking care of this desire in my heart. I know He is working it out in His time. And He wants to do the same thing for you.
So in closing... don't just throw your heart at a guy-- even if he is a Christian.
As a pastor said today, "Do you want to marry a nice Christian boy, or a godly man?"
Monday, January 10, 2011
Is forgiveness enough?
Forgiveness is more than enough.
I know how hard forgiveness can be. I know a lot of people do, and the pain sucks.
There is a specific pain the comes with forgiveness.
You see, my past has a way of knocking on my door at all the right times. Usually when I'm already weak from the fight, tired from stuff or not on guard. Memories like to flood me at those times. I've been all over my past within a few moments before I realize that I've been swept by it all over again.
I've learned that forgiving does not mean that the past loses its sting immediately and there are times when I get revisit the pain and there is a lot.
TIME.
It's been a year since God saved me from my past. He sent numerous people in my life at JUST the right time. He was the only One who could save me from what I was in. I was neck deep in a sin that I had given a foothold 6 months previous. Today I tell people that if I would have chosen to keep doing what I was doing that I would have gotten pregnant... and my whole life would have taken a completely different route.
However, by God's grace, He had a different plan for me.
It's been a year since everything.... I've prayed and asked for forgiveness more times than I can remember. I've forgiven him. But..... the hardest one to forgive has been myself.
I have been swamped in shame. You know what I mean? The memories come back in a way that the enemy tries to tell me that I'm not forgiven and that I don't deserve God's grace. And the truth is.... that I don't deserve it. No one does. But that is what God has been capturing my heart with-- He doesn't have to love me, but chooses to... even after my past.
No matter what kind of choice you've made... I'm living proof.... God still loves you. He wants your heart. He sees your beauty...even if you feel like you have none left. It's like God is extending His hand out to you to help you. You can choose to be forgiven. You can accept the truth that God has forgiven you.
Something that helped me was to pray these verses and claim their truth for myself.
The LORD longs to be gracious to you and rises to show you compassion. -Isaiah 30:18
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
-1 John 1:9
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
You can choose to forgive yourself today.
It's a choice... and God will give you the grace you need.
<3 Joy
I know how hard forgiveness can be. I know a lot of people do, and the pain sucks.
There is a specific pain the comes with forgiveness.
You see, my past has a way of knocking on my door at all the right times. Usually when I'm already weak from the fight, tired from stuff or not on guard. Memories like to flood me at those times. I've been all over my past within a few moments before I realize that I've been swept by it all over again.
I've learned that forgiving does not mean that the past loses its sting immediately and there are times when I get revisit the pain and there is a lot.
TIME.
It's been a year since God saved me from my past. He sent numerous people in my life at JUST the right time. He was the only One who could save me from what I was in. I was neck deep in a sin that I had given a foothold 6 months previous. Today I tell people that if I would have chosen to keep doing what I was doing that I would have gotten pregnant... and my whole life would have taken a completely different route.
However, by God's grace, He had a different plan for me.
It's been a year since everything.... I've prayed and asked for forgiveness more times than I can remember. I've forgiven him. But..... the hardest one to forgive has been myself.
I have been swamped in shame. You know what I mean? The memories come back in a way that the enemy tries to tell me that I'm not forgiven and that I don't deserve God's grace. And the truth is.... that I don't deserve it. No one does. But that is what God has been capturing my heart with-- He doesn't have to love me, but chooses to... even after my past.
No matter what kind of choice you've made... I'm living proof.... God still loves you. He wants your heart. He sees your beauty...even if you feel like you have none left. It's like God is extending His hand out to you to help you. You can choose to be forgiven. You can accept the truth that God has forgiven you.
Something that helped me was to pray these verses and claim their truth for myself.
The LORD longs to be gracious to you and rises to show you compassion. -Isaiah 30:18
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
-1 John 1:9
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
You can choose to forgive yourself today.
It's a choice... and God will give you the grace you need.
<3 Joy
Important: Married or Single
I strongly encourage you to watch the whole sermon. It is long. (bottom of the page)
But girls-- you're worth a great guy. Not a guy that you have to make excuses for.
http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/
This is just the beginning of the sermon.
Now, my tone is for the men. We speak to men differently than women. Were this a women’s conference, I would not call you all idiots and imbeciles and fools, that you’re a joke, okay? But you men, this is where it needs to go. You’ve been glad-handed and buddied up and positive thinking and you’re a winner and Jesus loves you and you can do better. And I’m telling you, you’re a joke. And the real men in the room know it and they see it. And maybe there’s one woman that you fooled and she doesn’t see it because like Eve, she’s deceived.
First Peter 3:7, here’s what he has to say:
If a woman marries a man, she’s trusting him with the rest of her life that he won’t hit her, cheat on her, that he’ll work hard, that he’ll pay the bills, that he’ll love their children, that he’ll finish the race well, that he’ll walk with Jesus ‘til the end, that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her, that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man.
As a man, I don’t think I fully understood this until I had daughters, and now I have some understanding of that fear. The thought of taking one of my daughters and walking them down the aisle and handing them to a man and trusting that he will love them and protect them and serve them and care for them and look after them, it causes me fear, grave concern.
The women have legitimate fears and what Peter is saying is that men need to be a particular way so that those fears are alleviated. And I love his words, “in an understanding way, showing honor.” That’s a man. That’s a man. Now as I say this, many of you guys will nod your head and say, “Yeah, that’s me.” No, you’re not. So let me practically unpack this for you. Every man who hears this, even the best men among us, has areas of repentance and growth that are required. And so I want to talk to you men about some things that your woman will fear.
When you get married, men, you are to be a one-woman man. That’s the requirement of an elder and that is the example for all men.
If you are, you’re not honoring marriage and you’re not honoring your wife. I know some complete fools, they like to take their wedding ring off when they go out to the sports bar with the boys. Do you honor your marriage covenant? Do you take responsibility as the head of the marriage covenant, take responsibility for the well- being of the woman?
See, a woman has great fear. If you don’t honor marriage, she is statistically going to go into poverty upon divorce. She will become yet another single mother. She’ll have to find a way to explain to the children of why they shouldn’t be embittered against you even though you’re a loser. See, these fears are very legitimate. See the women have seen this so many times that they’re fearful of men.
You know what, gentlemen? You are stronger than your woman.
Shame on you. A man who picks on a woman, what a joke. What a joke.
Have you ever forced yourself on a woman? You’re a rapist. You’ll say, “She’s my wife.” You’re a rapist.
You know, when someone is attacked, we call it abuse. As horrible as that is, what is even worse is torment. Torment is when you’re abused and you can’t get out. This is like prisoners of war and those who are held captive in slavery. For some women, their version of slavery and captivity and torment is called marriage. Their husband is physically intimidating. She’s afraid of him. She can’t leave, at least that’s what she thinks. She feels stuck, particularly if she’s got children. Some of you guys are tormentors and abusers and rapists and husbands and Christians, and that is absolutely inexcusable.
Most men don’t walk around thinking about their personal safety. I know a lot of women who do. Does she feel safe with you? Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who has ever been physically violent, run for your life, run for your children’s life, run for your grandchildren’s life. If he’s ever even threatened you with violence, there is something profoundly demonic in that man. There is something sincerely wrong in that man. He will then apologize, tell you he is sorry. He will shed a few tears, say it will never happen again and he will subtly shift the blame to you. “You know when you do that, it just makes me really angry. Don’t do that again.” “Oh, okay, it must be my fault.” It’s never your fault. It doesn’t matter what you say or do, if a man hits you, harms you, he’s in sin, no excuse.
And there are some guys, some absolute block-headed idiots who think when the Bible says that you’re the head of the home, that it means you get to be the bully. There’s nothing uglier than a guy who then takes this same disposition toward his children, especially his daughters. The grossest, vilest thing is a man who hits a woman, and the man who hits a woman is willing to hit his own daughter. It’s disgusting.
(Click on the link to finish the sermon notes, or watch the sermon live)
<3 Joy
Girls, you are worth respect.
But girls-- you're worth a great guy. Not a guy that you have to make excuses for.
http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/
This is just the beginning of the sermon.
Now, my tone is for the men. We speak to men differently than women. Were this a women’s conference, I would not call you all idiots and imbeciles and fools, that you’re a joke, okay? But you men, this is where it needs to go. You’ve been glad-handed and buddied up and positive thinking and you’re a winner and Jesus loves you and you can do better. And I’m telling you, you’re a joke. And the real men in the room know it and they see it. And maybe there’s one woman that you fooled and she doesn’t see it because like Eve, she’s deceived.
First Peter 3:7, here’s what he has to say:
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayer may not be hindered.”In the previous verse, 1 Peter 3:6, he said that women, when it comes to marriage are prone toward, what? Fear. Fear. And you know what? Those fears that the women have about marriage are legitimate, they are.
If a woman marries a man, she’s trusting him with the rest of her life that he won’t hit her, cheat on her, that he’ll work hard, that he’ll pay the bills, that he’ll love their children, that he’ll finish the race well, that he’ll walk with Jesus ‘til the end, that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her, that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man.
As a man, I don’t think I fully understood this until I had daughters, and now I have some understanding of that fear. The thought of taking one of my daughters and walking them down the aisle and handing them to a man and trusting that he will love them and protect them and serve them and care for them and look after them, it causes me fear, grave concern.
The women have legitimate fears and what Peter is saying is that men need to be a particular way so that those fears are alleviated. And I love his words, “in an understanding way, showing honor.” That’s a man. That’s a man. Now as I say this, many of you guys will nod your head and say, “Yeah, that’s me.” No, you’re not. So let me practically unpack this for you. Every man who hears this, even the best men among us, has areas of repentance and growth that are required. And so I want to talk to you men about some things that your woman will fear.
1. Honor your wife maritally.
What this means is, gentlemen, you’re not looking for a girlfriend if you are single. You’re not looking for a roommate. You’re not looking for a cohabitation partner. You’re looking for a wife. You’re looking for a wife. If he can’t even honor you while dating, that is when he is on his best behavior. I don’t care if he apologizes, does he repent and lead? Being sorry is not enough; being Christ-like is what is necessary. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Is he selfless or selfish? Does he give himself up for you or does he take from you?When you get married, men, you are to be a one-woman man. That’s the requirement of an elder and that is the example for all men.
You’re not the flirt guy.
You’re not the female buddies guy.
You’re not the download porn guy.
You’re not the “I got another gal on the side I always keep in case of emergency” guy.
You’re not the wandering eye guy.
You’re not the female buddies guy.
You’re not the download porn guy.
You’re not the “I got another gal on the side I always keep in case of emergency” guy.
You’re not the wandering eye guy.
See, a woman has great fear. If you don’t honor marriage, she is statistically going to go into poverty upon divorce. She will become yet another single mother. She’ll have to find a way to explain to the children of why they shouldn’t be embittered against you even though you’re a loser. See, these fears are very legitimate. See the women have seen this so many times that they’re fearful of men.
2. Honor her physically.
Peter says that the woman is the “weaker vessel.” What that means is that generally speaking, if a husband and a wife get in a fistfight, he’ll win. I’ll give you an example. Many of you have seen my wife, Grace. If we get in a fight, it’s not a fair fight. I have an 18-inch neck, she has an 18-inch waist. If someone breaks into our home, I’m not “Go get ‘em, baby. You’re the tough one here. I’ll pray. I’ll pray. I’ll pray. I’ll pray imprecatory prayers in the closet.”You know what, gentlemen? You are stronger than your woman.
Do you ever hit her?
Do you ever shove her?
Do you ever push her?
Do you ever grab her, restrain her?
Do you ever raise a hand and threaten her?
Do you ever intimidate her with physical violence?
Do you give her that look, that pierced, glazed, violent, angry, don’t-push-it-now’s-a-good-time-to-shut-up look?
Do you tell her, “I’m getting very angry, you should just shut up right now. It’s gonna go bad for you”?
Do you get right in her face?
Do you intimidate her with your presence?
Do you ever shove her?
Do you ever push her?
Do you ever grab her, restrain her?
Do you ever raise a hand and threaten her?
Do you ever intimidate her with physical violence?
Do you give her that look, that pierced, glazed, violent, angry, don’t-push-it-now’s-a-good-time-to-shut-up look?
Do you tell her, “I’m getting very angry, you should just shut up right now. It’s gonna go bad for you”?
Do you get right in her face?
Do you intimidate her with your presence?
Have you ever forced yourself on a woman? You’re a rapist. You’ll say, “She’s my wife.” You’re a rapist.
You know, when someone is attacked, we call it abuse. As horrible as that is, what is even worse is torment. Torment is when you’re abused and you can’t get out. This is like prisoners of war and those who are held captive in slavery. For some women, their version of slavery and captivity and torment is called marriage. Their husband is physically intimidating. She’s afraid of him. She can’t leave, at least that’s what she thinks. She feels stuck, particularly if she’s got children. Some of you guys are tormentors and abusers and rapists and husbands and Christians, and that is absolutely inexcusable.
Most men don’t walk around thinking about their personal safety. I know a lot of women who do. Does she feel safe with you? Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who has ever been physically violent, run for your life, run for your children’s life, run for your grandchildren’s life. If he’s ever even threatened you with violence, there is something profoundly demonic in that man. There is something sincerely wrong in that man. He will then apologize, tell you he is sorry. He will shed a few tears, say it will never happen again and he will subtly shift the blame to you. “You know when you do that, it just makes me really angry. Don’t do that again.” “Oh, okay, it must be my fault.” It’s never your fault. It doesn’t matter what you say or do, if a man hits you, harms you, he’s in sin, no excuse.
And there are some guys, some absolute block-headed idiots who think when the Bible says that you’re the head of the home, that it means you get to be the bully. There’s nothing uglier than a guy who then takes this same disposition toward his children, especially his daughters. The grossest, vilest thing is a man who hits a woman, and the man who hits a woman is willing to hit his own daughter. It’s disgusting.
(Click on the link to finish the sermon notes, or watch the sermon live)
<3 Joy
Girls, you are worth respect.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)