Here's to boldness:

Tonight I sat down and felt so unmotivated to do any homework. I was with my friend, so it helped that she was there to keep me on track. However, we started talking and a lot of stuff came up. Here's how it all started:

Dannah Gresh came and spoke to our college a few days ago. My friend and I bought her book and I have been  swallowing that thing up! I have been reading it in any spare time that I have. She's the first Christian author that is practical in how she unveils God's word and leads young women. And since reading her book, thinking and praying about it all, I can't tell you how everything has ran through my head.

Dannah encouraged us to have a friend that we could share everything with because then the enemy can't blackmail us with our secrets. That's when I began praying for the right time to talk to a friend. Tonight I just spilled my guts with my friend. I trust her, I love her, and I am confident in her. I just told her all of my dirty secrets and my life stories that have shaped who I am. 

She knows what most people don't and there's a freedom in that. 

Over the past few days I've been completely honest with God and He has been dragging a lot up from the past. The stuff that I've tried to push farther down, he has dug up. Little things like my first kiss when I was 8-- before I knew how special it was... (and then later I regretted giving up). Then God has has showed me how all of the little stuff added up and became a slippery slope to the kind of sin that I was saved from (the big stuff). 

Isn't it crazy how God completely takes what is the worst in us and somehow shapes it into something beautiful?

"Your deepest pain will become your greatest ministry." --Dr. Cook

To be honest, my heart is scared by LOTS of the small "stuff", but the big "stuff", too. And it all hurts in its own way. But I'm not afraid of what people will think "If they only knew..." (the lie the enemy always whispered in my ear) anymore.

                                   My past is the past and the facts are the facts. 

        Granted, the memories are still there, but their power is gone.

I started this blog because you need to know you're beautiful. My deepest pain has come from searching for love and affirmation in the wrong places since I was 8! This is my deepest pain. If you can benefit from my pain...if you can learn from my mistakes... if you can SEE how God has changed my heart... wonderful.

But even if this never amounts to anything more than me rambling and people skimming. Even if no one's life is radically changed from my stories, I know that I have been faithful with the rod that God has put in my hand (Like Moses). 

And anymore, that, girls, is all that matters.

Wait.

Philemon 1:22:


 But, meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you.

Seems pretty straight forward, right? It's kind of a random verse that stuck out to me, girls, just today, and I wanted to share it with you.  At the end Paul basically says, "Hey, I'm hoping to come around sometime. Make a room ready for me because I'm coming-- Lord willing."

No one knew how long it would be before Paul showed up on Philemon's doorstep.
         That could mean a few months, maybe a year, or maybe even more.

It is  tough  to wait.
Waiting for a close friend who you desperately need.
 Waiting for the man that God has for you....
  Waiting to graduate from high school or college

So my challenge:
WAIT.

Wait in the LORD.

Wait for the man that he created especially for you.
    I know how hard it is.

    But wait.

Wait until you're married to enjoy sex and your guy fully.


Wait.

Like Philemon, we have no idea how long we are supposed to wait. I'm challenging myself this week to prepare the guest room in anxious anticipation. With eager expectation and hope.

Girls, in faith, let's prepare this guest room. Expecting the Lord to provide.