I Hope

Written on Easter after being Diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma:

I hope.

I hope your past doesn’t haunt you.

                That the chains won’t entangle, strangle, or hold you.

I hope that true strength would be awakened in you.

                Not fake, self-reliant strength.

You’re beautiful—truly.

                And I hope you realize that age can’t touch that,

                That make-up doesn’t give you true beauty,

                That clothes are just… clothes…

                Because you. are. beautiful.

I hope your plans will be interrupted,

                That you come to the end of yourself,

                That you have nowhere else to look, but up.

I hope.

I hope you realize that this is not out my own storage of strength.

I hope you understand how short time is.

                Not enough time for grudges, bitterness, anger.

Therefore: I hope you get shaken to your core.

                I hope you realize that you don’t have real control.

                                That the one who is in control wants your total surrender.

I hope you suffer for the Lord,

        And that you suffer well.
I hope.

I hope.

I hope when life crashes down on top of you that you run to Jesus.
I hope you will define success, not by your salary, processions, or status, but by the legacy that you’ll leave for the Lord.

I hope you walk each day well.

Today is Easter;

And so because He has risen; I hope.

New Season

What is purity?

When Dannah Gresh cam to our college to speak that she has met some very pure non-virgins and some very impure virgins. She, then, made the point that purity doesn't just mean that you don't have sex until you're married. I'm learning, have learned, and will always be learning that purity is so much more than that. Purity keeps coming up in my life.


What is purity?

Once again, I come to write because I cannot sleep. I can't.

What is purity?

It's more than not having sex.

I ask this question tonight because I don't want to be who I was. I don't want to have to hide from God. I don't want to turn away from Him again. I want to be pure for Him. I want to please him with my relationship.

No longer am I dating. Now I am engaged to the man that I cannot wait to marry! How wonderful? But listen: being pure will probably be hardest in this stage. Seriously. One of the first few things he told me after I said yes was: "Remember, Joy: we're not married, we're engaged." So true.

Like many, and I'd say that it's fair to say MOST girls, the battle for purity is in our minds first and foremost.

1. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2


Renew Our minds:


For me, I have found that I've gotta get with God and go before him daily. Not so that Joy can make God "happy" but because He deserves it and it is right. 


Everyday is game day. My New Testament professor said, "Everyday is a day that we're either gaining ground or giving ground for the Kingdom of Christ." Everyday.


Today it might just be a small, "I can't wait to be married so....."
Tomorrow it might be a small action that looks innocent, but has bad intent.
And then a few months from now it might be compromising something that I'd never do.


I know it's a battle. 


Today's challenge:
Renew your mind.
Get before Christ.
Talk with Him. Be honest. Completely. Trust in His grace.
Listen to his words. 


Single.. dating... engaged.. married. It makes no difference. Purity is a life-thing, not just a season thing.
And seriously, being pure before God is worth any sacrifice that we have to make. 


Purity starts in the mind. 
And so does lust.


Every time you and I dwell on a thought we give that thought ground in our minds and then in our hearts. 


It's a choice that I'm going to have to chose to make everyday.
Because everyday is game day. 

"Come"

Few things are quick to throw me into a rage (I'm not even going to pretend to have humility in this area), but I had a something that did a few months ago.

Have you ever had someone tick you off so much that you were literally angry for an extended period of time?   I did, and it was worse than probably ever before. My boyfriend and I were out at a restaurant with a lot of friends. I challenged a guy (that came with our friends) on one of the stances that he took. Then, he loudly replied, "YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PLACE AS A WOMAN."

Ladies....
Though I only threw an ice cube, God knows that I wanted to throw more. I was fuming the and screaming in my head. Worse yet, he said that in front of my boyfriend.

And let me tell you, something inside of me snapped.

 You see, I've heard that in a way my whole life.
"You're too rough" "You're too loud" Etc...
      I'm sure you've had your own lies: not pretty enough, not strong enough, etc, etc.
             In fact, while I'm sitting here and typing I can see my reflection perfectly clear in the laptop's mirrored reflection with the word "ARMY" staring back at me. I'm in ROTC here at college, have three older brothers, and a strong, loud personality. You can see where I'm going with this. However, I am not a feminist by any means. I just rub most guys the wrong way when I can keep up with them in some respects.

After I calmed down enough to talk (let me be honest-- it was more like yelling) I told my boyfriend that there are some very strong women in this world. I have a strong personality, but don't think I intend to lead this relationship-- that's you're job. But the truth is, strong women need even stronger men. That is why I have chosen him because I see a very strong man in him.

I ranted and raved with that short paragraph being this premise. The fact is ladies, that we don't have to strive to try to be like that girl who always has her hair perfect, make up just so, or the woman who achieves more than we do. We don't have to be someone we're not.

O Women, where is our strength? In who do we gain worth?
You nor I will never be satisfied as long as we listen to those lies of what we aren't. Heck, even Christians have told me those lies before. You want the truth? God wants your heart. God wants you. Hang with me here....
He thought about you before he created the world. He thought out who each of us would be. He said, "Hmm, Joy-- I'm going to make her loud, strong (in some areas--not always a good thing, might I add), and aggressive for such a time as this (time that I'm alive). Then, he moved onto you... and he got so excited-- he chose YOU to be alive in this moment now for who you are. All women are beautiful.

Ladies, stop trying so hard. Stop striving.
You are enough just as you are.
You are created for such a time as this.
God has a plan for you and who you are.

Lay down the clothes that make your boobs look bigger; throw out those jeans that make guys turn their heads. Be beautiful in who you are, not how much you can give for attention. Be beautiful and be who you are. Like the sun setting and showing its glory is how women look when they stop trying and start being who they are.

You are enough just as you are; all Jesus says is, "Come to me..."

Here's to boldness:

Tonight I sat down and felt so unmotivated to do any homework. I was with my friend, so it helped that she was there to keep me on track. However, we started talking and a lot of stuff came up. Here's how it all started:

Dannah Gresh came and spoke to our college a few days ago. My friend and I bought her book and I have been  swallowing that thing up! I have been reading it in any spare time that I have. She's the first Christian author that is practical in how she unveils God's word and leads young women. And since reading her book, thinking and praying about it all, I can't tell you how everything has ran through my head.

Dannah encouraged us to have a friend that we could share everything with because then the enemy can't blackmail us with our secrets. That's when I began praying for the right time to talk to a friend. Tonight I just spilled my guts with my friend. I trust her, I love her, and I am confident in her. I just told her all of my dirty secrets and my life stories that have shaped who I am. 

She knows what most people don't and there's a freedom in that. 

Over the past few days I've been completely honest with God and He has been dragging a lot up from the past. The stuff that I've tried to push farther down, he has dug up. Little things like my first kiss when I was 8-- before I knew how special it was... (and then later I regretted giving up). Then God has has showed me how all of the little stuff added up and became a slippery slope to the kind of sin that I was saved from (the big stuff). 

Isn't it crazy how God completely takes what is the worst in us and somehow shapes it into something beautiful?

"Your deepest pain will become your greatest ministry." --Dr. Cook

To be honest, my heart is scared by LOTS of the small "stuff", but the big "stuff", too. And it all hurts in its own way. But I'm not afraid of what people will think "If they only knew..." (the lie the enemy always whispered in my ear) anymore.

                                   My past is the past and the facts are the facts. 

        Granted, the memories are still there, but their power is gone.

I started this blog because you need to know you're beautiful. My deepest pain has come from searching for love and affirmation in the wrong places since I was 8! This is my deepest pain. If you can benefit from my pain...if you can learn from my mistakes... if you can SEE how God has changed my heart... wonderful.

But even if this never amounts to anything more than me rambling and people skimming. Even if no one's life is radically changed from my stories, I know that I have been faithful with the rod that God has put in my hand (Like Moses). 

And anymore, that, girls, is all that matters.

Wait.

Philemon 1:22:


 But, meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you.

Seems pretty straight forward, right? It's kind of a random verse that stuck out to me, girls, just today, and I wanted to share it with you.  At the end Paul basically says, "Hey, I'm hoping to come around sometime. Make a room ready for me because I'm coming-- Lord willing."

No one knew how long it would be before Paul showed up on Philemon's doorstep.
         That could mean a few months, maybe a year, or maybe even more.

It is  tough  to wait.
Waiting for a close friend who you desperately need.
 Waiting for the man that God has for you....
  Waiting to graduate from high school or college

So my challenge:
WAIT.

Wait in the LORD.

Wait for the man that he created especially for you.
    I know how hard it is.

    But wait.

Wait until you're married to enjoy sex and your guy fully.


Wait.

Like Philemon, we have no idea how long we are supposed to wait. I'm challenging myself this week to prepare the guest room in anxious anticipation. With eager expectation and hope.

Girls, in faith, let's prepare this guest room. Expecting the Lord to provide.

Not me, but Grace and Mercy

This one is shorter, today. I just want to share with you some things that happened that I think you might all benefit from.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about what I want to do this summer and told him that I would LOVE to be a counselor at a camp this summer and just pour into girls' lives. Then, I said, well, I know I'm not perfect, but I think they could benefit from some things that I've learned.

He stopped me and said that he was learning and trying to incorporate this into to his daily practice, and act on faith in this:

        "It's not about being perfect or having a fake sense of humility. It's not your story or your life or your past decisions that matter. It is all about letting the Spirit control your life and the decisions you make." He said, "I'm not trying to worry about having humility any more. I'm letting the Spirit work through me. It's not about not sinning as much as it is about letting God and the Holy Spirit control you."

The only thing I have to add to that is something that another friend recently described to me.
 I was struggling with the desire to live for Christ, and yet screwing up so much.
She replied and told me about Psalm 23:6:
            Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
                    and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

She said her friend described goodness and mercy as a broom and a dustpan sweeping up all of her mistakes right up behind her as she kept walking.


To conclude:
       Today, girls, don't try to be perfect, but allow God and the Spirit to lead you.
       Not on your strength, but His.



Psalm 109:27
Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it.

Guard it with all you've got

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  Proverbs 4:23

        I've messed up big time here. As young women we desperately want to be known fully and completely by another. You know? "They don't understand me." "They don't get me." "I wish someone understood who I am." etc.
        And then I started dating this guy... and I'm beginning to see the hard parts of communication. I try so hard to allow him to understand me. To allow him to know me.
        And I've talked to women who are married and completely in love and have a rock-solid relationship and they have told me the same thing... they still get lonely and still have to work hard at communicating.

So, how do you get to know the guy that you want to give your heart to without giving too much away?

That's been such a difficult question for me to answer because I've asked myself this question for a while. I've talked to a lot of people that I really respect and here's just a little food for thought:

1. I've gotta be close to God before I love right. Whether that is my boyfriend, my friends, or my parents. It just falls into place. I know both sides of the coin. I mean, I understand the constant craving to go further, and I know how incredible it is to see stuff just line up when God is put first. It's like God has been loving me and teaching me how to really love others.

2. Be careful WHO you let in.
    I've seen a lot of girls who get into relationships (and I've been one myself) and have thought that is was in too deep to get out. I thought that since I had already gotten in so deep that I should be "faithful" to what I knew I shouldn't have done. Because, who likes to give up on someone? My heart had to be broken to the core before God really healed it up. It was crazy. It hurt. So, be careful about who you let in. What I mean is... don't give a piece of your heart to a guy you don't know... and what I mean by THAT is... stay away from physical stuff, saying things that are very special to you... and don't give what you don't want to.
    I don't want to make a list as to become legalistic, but be careful because I would never want any of you to ever go through what I had to. Just get to know the guy before you give to the guy. You know?

3. When you find a solid guy who loves God think about where the line will be drawn.
      The heart is such a fragile matter. What has helped me is that I want to please God with this relationship. So, for me a good start was to have a friend that I talked to about physical boundries and then got a good feel for what God wants. And, girls, I can tell you that purity is a beautiful thing in a relationship. Having NOTHING to hide has such a freedom in it.

And, this doesn't apply to JUST relationships, but this has been on my mind. I hope this is helpful and good food for thought. God wants our hearts so desperately bad. I'm still learning how to be faithful to God first. My friend recently told me that she knew she was ready for a relationship with a guy because she was confident (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that she was/ and would put God first-- no matter her relationship status.

Step-by-step. It's a choice, girls. For me. For you.
This is stuff that I struggle with daily.
And know that I'm praying for you.

You're beautiful and the life that your heart brings to the world is worth protecting.

<3